Last night at the bar with co-workers we were discussing the act of watching porn with another person. Looking back I was drawing a blank and couldn’t remember a single time I had done it. I thought perhaps I had while blacked out, but settled on the idea that I never needed to watch porn with someone to get us going. Fuck, I mean, I was the star after all.
But I was wrong.
Once upon a time there was Dan. Now I have mentioned Dan before in a few blogs because he takes part in one of my favorite blackout sex stories. In fact, Dan might have been written about in my first blog ever (which has since been deleted), but he was written about here.
Dan and I took a philosophy class together and we fucking hated our teacher. She was this incompetent slut bag. She wore low cut shirts and gave all the boys better grades they didn’t deserve and was under qualified to be teaching Bioethics. That whore. I even wrote to the Dean who later was accused of sleeping with the staff and now it all makes sense. — Back to Dan and I.
Dan liked me and I knew it, but wanted to prove it to a friend of ours that it was true. I took Dan up on his offer to go out and have drinks instead of attending class one day. This is when I blacked the fuck out, had sex, blacked in at a Richard Dawkins talk, and illegally drove his moped around campus. It was pretty glorious for a Monday.
However, I had forgotten perhaps the best part about Dan. A week or so after the blackout incident Dan asked me to hang out again. It was pretty pathetic, but he invited me over to watch the Presidential Debate and I said I would go if we could make it a drinking event. Truthfully I wouldn’t go anywhere at this point in my life unless there was alcohol present. We got some wine and started drinking while semi watching the debate. I didn’t want to have sex with him really, but I figured it could be worth having memories of having sex with him at least once.
At some point we turned off the debate and put on episodes of Family Guy (or whatever, it’s not important). Again I was bored and so he started asking me sexual questions. We wandered onto the topic of porn and I was intrigued for the first time all night. Porn fascinates me. It’s amazing how many different types and variations there are and I love knowing that someone out there is into women fucking dogs. I told him that truthfully I don’t get off to porn much, but I when I do, I go for some average rough sex or lesbian porn. I admitted to watching endless amounts of porn though for pure interest in the weird and wild shit readily available.
He told me sometimes he likes to watch Midget Porn.
I would fuck this girl though. Look at her.
I had valid questions: midget on midget porn? Or regular size human and Midget Porn? I didn’t think it was that weird because Tucker Max definitely sought out a midget to fuck. (Midget probably isn’t PC here, but I am ignoring that). Dan said he was into either and that it didn’t matter. He pulled out his laptop and started searching for some. He found a video and we started watching. It was kind of just like anyone else having sex except with more complications due to body shape and height.
Dan caressed my leg and asked if it turned me on. No? Nope. Frankly no.
However he kept it going and I realized this was going to happen no matter what so I closed my eyes and kept kissing him. Eventually we were naked and he went down on me which I thoroughly enjoyed. He came back up and pulled me in close ready to slide his dick in, but stopped for a moment. He was touching himself –and I assumed to get a little harder before we fucked. I was lying there naked and he knelt in front of me jacking off. I didn’t know what I should be doing to help him get harder so I started touching my nipples and moaning a bit.
And then he came. All over me. Without warning, without reason. He just did.
That had never happened to me before. A man just jacked off in front of my waiting vagina. It was odd and sticky. I used a towel to clean off, got dressed, and left. I saw Dan every day I attended class from there on out, but I never hung out with him ever again.
And Midget porn still doesn’t turn me on.
UPDATES THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT
1. I am moving to NYC in the end of May. (1.5 –yes the boyfriend is coming too).
2. This blog exists for three reasons: All the emails I get from blackout sex inquiries and the stories those people share with me. I still have good stories like this and WordPress just charged me to keep this for a year. Finally, incase the book ever comes out, it will I promise, I’d like to be able to tell everyone that.
3. That being said, if you’re new here: The Shit show doesn’t exist anymore. That person is stuffed deep down inside of the middle school teacher, living with her boyfriend, adult I now seem to be. BOO I’M A WHORE. I know.
4. The OM got kicked off WP? That’s amazing. I also have probably dropped some douchey comments on your shitty blogs recently because I’m always lurking and continually hoping the Unfortunate Virgin never gets laid.